Self-Introduction letter
Dear Prof. Blackstone,
My name is Skylar, and I am writing to introduce myself as a student in your communication class S21. I graduated with a diploma in Aerospace Technology with Business Management from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. My interest in engineering is to discover new energy sources that could possibly improve the living conditions in underdeveloped countries.
My objectives for this module are to increase my vocabulary in terms of word choices without being constrained and to improve my ability to pronounce words correctly because this has always been a major challenge for me. My understanding of communication skills is the ability to convey the message while making the listener feel at ease while you are speaking. I believe that this is the most crucial component of having a successful discussion between the speaker and the listener. By taking this course, I can broaden my understanding of communication.
I am unique among individuals because I genuinely enjoy interacting with them and learning from their conversations. I also have plenty of work experience, including food and beverage industries, logistics in production lines and the sales industry. One of the F&B jobs I've had is serving guests at Marina Bay Sand, a renowned hotel in Singapore. I previously worked for a company named "Myprotein" on the logistics manufacturing line. In this working experience, I have gained knowledge about how to manage the effective forward and reverse movement of products, and services, as well as information from the place of origin to the site of consumption according to the needs of the customer.
I believe that in order to succeed in the sales industry, you must be open to interacting with customers. In order to accomplish this, you must have an engaging discussion with them about the products you are offering and how the items can meet their requirements of needs.
Hope in this letter you have a better understanding of me and I look forward to having enjoyable interactions with you.
Yours sincerely,
Chua Zhi Xiang (Skylar)
Hey Skylar! I enjoyed reading your letter as it had a good flow and language use. A few suggestions that I feel could improve the letter is maybe clearly point out exactly where is your communication strength and weakness. Other than that, you have certainly stated the other points that was required. It was nice reading your letter!
ReplyDeleteFlow and content was smooth and relevant. However language used could be better, for example, I feel that instead of “in this working experienced”, you could have changed to “from this working experience”. Preposition used could be better also. Instead of “you must be open to interacting with customer” it should be “ interact”. Overall, purpose of the letter is conveyed well and is relevant.
ReplyDeleteHi Skylar, I feel the passion of you interacting with others and willingness to help them from your work experiences. You gave a multiple examples of your job descriptions and how some challenges involves with communication. However, I feel that you can share how you plan to "hook" their interest on the products and the fruitfulness speaking to you about the topic. Overall, a good draft after reading, hope to see you work on weaknesses to better engage with customers or audiences you are speaking soon!
ReplyDeleteThe content of your letter is interesting and it is well structured. You have mentioned about your work experience and how you enjoy interacting with people. However, you only emphasized your goals for this module rather than highlighting your communication skills in terms of strength and weakness with elaboration. Overall, you wrote a good letter and elaborated well on the key points.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Skylar, for this highly informative letter. It's well organized, clearly focused and richly detailed as you provide in-depth examples to illustrate the important points you make about yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm especially impressed in this post by how you explain what makes you special, including your joy at interacting with others. One can observe this trait even in the number and variety of jobs you've had. It's also clear in this post that your interest in business and more effective communication relates directly to interaction and customer service.
My only question is this: Why aerospace?
In terms of the use of words, phrasing and other language-based issues, I can speak from experience when I write that practice makes perfect. As a high school student, my strengths were math and science, and I was shocked at how low my English score was in my uni entrance exam.
Throughout uni and my work life, I was then determined to change that, and change I did. Put yourself in a position to read, write and speak more, and good things happen.
This is a fluent letter, but there is an issue with the use of "ýou" as if you're speaking to the people you're writing about:
-- ...while making the listener feel at ease while you are speaking. > (Why use you?) ?
-- ...you must be open to interacting with customers. > (Again, why you? It's better to adopt the 3rd person: The customer > he/she)
Let's work on this.
I look forward to working more with you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad